Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
