we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
