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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
