woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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