I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
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So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
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I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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