Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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