Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
