I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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