I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
