So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
