Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
