There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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