I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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