I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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