I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
