if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
