you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
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so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
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I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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