OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
