By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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