whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
