i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
