Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
