A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I supernannyed him into submission
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
