mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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