the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
