So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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