i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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