Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
