You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
