we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am spending my child support on dildos
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
