just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
