Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
pray to the hookup gods
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
