What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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