we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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