you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
