i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
