I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
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Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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