So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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