my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
