I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
