Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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