Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
