My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
