If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
