i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
