Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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