so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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