she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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