toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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