hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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