I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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