how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
