I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
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Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
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She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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