I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
