Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I need a beard to bite.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
