the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
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Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
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I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i out mim tonsoeep
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