Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
