No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
