My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
