The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hello my rib-scented angel!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
