For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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