Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
