Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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