so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
