I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
