I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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