After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
