3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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