There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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