is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
